The Fett Family Affair
by Mona Lisa
Summary: The Fett's way of life is thrown off when Jango's mom comes to visit. Please read it! And review too.
1. Iluva arrives

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Star Wars. I do not own Jango Fett. I do not own ten-year-old Boba Fett. I do not own Grown-up Boba Fett. I do not own Zam Wessel. I do not own any clones. I do not own anything, really. I do, however, own Iluva Fett, so don't use her. 

AUTHOR'S NOTE: I don't know if anyone but me will find this even remotely funny. I hope you do. I'm not a complete Star Wars geek, so I don't know all of the planes they used, or if they watch T.V. or whatever, so I'll just make something up. 

~~~~~   
The Fett Family Affair   
by Mona Lisa   
~~~~~   
Chapter one:   
In which Boba gets busted and Iluva arrives   
~~~~~ 

Jango Fett sat down on the couch in front of his Holovision. Jango smiled to himself. Finally, a moment of peace. His life was always so chaotic, never leaving much time for holovision or anything else. Besides, the place where he now sat was normally occupied by his eight year old son, Boba. 

Jango sat his coffee down on the table beside the couch. How long had it been since he had enjoyed the little things in life, such as drinking coffee while watching H.V.? Jango's only joy in life came from his son. Boba was young and energetic, and Jango enjoyed his ceaseless curiosity. Boba was perfect in his father's eyes. He studied hard and loved his father, and Jango couldn't help to feel slightly envious of the boy. Boba led a care-free life, needing nothing to worry about but making his own dinner while his father was away on "business trips." 

Jango was just about to turn the H.V. on when the Holophone in the kitchen went off, and Jango heard the angry voice of Zam Wessel shouting at him. 

"Jango? You had better be home! Jango!" 

Jango sighed and stood up. He should have known the peace was too good to last. Every time he had a moment of peace, it was ruined by some Bounty Hunter or Dark Lord or another calling upon him. 

"What do you want, Zam?" He asked the miniature holo-projected Zam that stood on his kitchen table. 

"It's about time that you answered." 

"Don't get smart with me, Zam." 

"I can see you are having a bad day. Wake up on the wrong side of the bed this morning, Jango?" 

"My day was going fine until you called." 

"Always happy to see me, aren't you?" 

"I don't want to play games with you, Zam. What do you want?" 

"Since you're so angry at me for interrupting your day, maybe this little piece of news will interest you." 

"Just get to the point." 

"Alright. You are cranky today, aren't you? A little ray of sunshine-" 

"Zam." 

"-making all the flowers bloom." 

"Zam! I'm warning you now..." 

"Sorry, Jango. You haven't even got a sense of humor. Anyway, I killed Raba Bila." 

"Good." 

"What, you aren't thrilled?" 

Jango didn't answer. 

"Figures." Zam said before becoming suddenly stern. "Alright, Jango, I'm expecting those blasters and the thirty-thousand dollars you promised me for doing your job." 

"The blasters are buried somewhere in my closet, Zam. I'll have to dig them out. As for the thirty-thousand, you'll get that after I deliver the body to Jabba." 

"Very well. I'll stop by with the body tomorrow. Start cleaning out your closet, because I'll be expecting those blasters to be in your hands, ready to hand over, when you open the door." 

"Of course." 

"Jango, I nee-" A sudden thud followed by a cry sounded in the hall outside Jango's apartment. Jango's father instincts took over, and he cut Zam short. 

"Oh no. Gotta go, Zam." 

"Jango! I wasn't finished talking to you!" 

But he was already gone. 

Outside the apartment, Jango found Boba wrestling with several clone boys who were identical to Boba down to every last hair on their heads. The clones were pinning Boba to the ground, holding his arms and legs while another sat on top of him with his hands wrapped around the unfortunate boys neck. 

"What in the name of the galaxy is going on out here?" Jango shouted, and the clone boys immediately let go of Boba and stood facing Jango at attention. "What is going on here?" He tried again. 

"We are sorry, Sir." One of them said. "Forgive us, Sir. We saw him steal a few cookies from the kitchen." 

"You nearly killed my boy for stealing _cookies_?" 

"We are sorry, Sir. We have been trained that stealing is illegal." 

Jango rolled his eyes. Often he wondered why he had chosen "Bounty Hunter" as his profession. He made his life stealing, cheating, and killing. Now he was supposed to tell his son it was wrong? Well, okay, so perhaps it was, but that hardly mattered to Jango. 

"Stealing is illegal." He said at last. "But I do not believe my son deserved death for stealing a cookie." 

"Three cookies, Sir." Jango gave the clone such a cold stare that it could have frozen a snow beast. "Erm, I mean, we were not trying to kill him, Sir." The boy said quickly. "We were trying to discipline him, Sir. In fact, we did not recognize him, Sir. We thought he was one of us until you arrived." 

"Don't let it happen again. And if it does, leave the disciplining to me." 

"Of course, Sir." 

"Are you alright, Boba?" Jango asked as he pulled his son off of the ground. 

"I'm fine, Dad." 

"You know you are not allowed to steal from the Kaminoins, don't you?" 

"Yes, Sir." 

"And stop it with the 'Sir' thing! You are starting to sound like all of those clones!" 

"Sorry, Sir, I mean Dad. But I am a clone." 

"Yeah, but you're my son, too." 

"Aren't all of your clones your children?" 

"No." 

"Oh." Boba looked confused. He looked up at his Father questioningly. 

"Don't steal from the Kaminoins again, Boba." 

"Okay. Do I have a punishment?" 

"Yes. I need you to clean out my closet. There are some old blasters I need in there." 

"Can I have one?" 

"No. I need to give them to Zam." 

"Who?" 

"You're just stalling. I promised Zam that she could have them. Get to work." 

Boba meandered into his father's bedroom as Jango once again settled down on the couch. _Who is Zam?_ Boba wondered. Was it possible that Jango could have a girlfriend? Boba smiled. He had always wondered what it would be like to have a mom. 

Boba ran the logic through his mind. Blasters wasn't the most romantic gift to give a woman, he didn't think. Maybe she was a bounty hunter too? Maybe not. Jango wasn't the most romantic person in the world. Maybe he thought that blasters made the perfect first-date gift. Boba shrugged and opened the closet door. 

It was nearly a half-hour later before Jango was approached by his son, who held a metal box in front of him. 

"Is this it?" Boba asked as Jango took the box from him and the door bell rang. 

"Yes, these are them. Will you get the door?" 

"Sure." Boba opened the door to reveal an elderly woman standing in the doorway. Her skin was dark and her hair was white. She was short and stalky- not fat, just slightly plump. 

"Hello, little one." She said warmly, "Is this where Jango Fett lives?" 

"Yep." Boba said, looking her over again and wondering what she could possibly want with his father. Was she Zam? She looked a little old to be dating Jango. 

"Can I see him?" 

"Just a minute." Boba shut the door and walked back to his father. 

"Dad, there's a weird old woman here to see you. Is she Zam?" 

"I doubt it, Boba. Zam may be weird, but she's not old." 

Jango walked over to the door, thinking about how he would yell at Zam for coming so early, if that was her on the other side of the door, of course. When Jango opened the door, he saw the last person he would ever expect to see on Kamino. 

"Mom?" Jango asked in disbelief. "What are you doing here?" 

"What do you think I am doing here? I came to see you and Boba of course!" 

"Who is she, Dad?" Boba asked, poking his head out from behind his father's back. 

"Boba, this is my mother; your Grandma Iluva Fett." 

"If she's my Grandma, how come I've never seen her before?" 

"You saw her once a long time ago. She lives far away, and she doesn't like the cold and rain of Kamino." 

"Then why didn't we ever go visit her?" 

"Uh..." 

"Here." Iluva said, covering for her tongue-tied son. She pulled a package out of her purse and handed it to Boba. "This is for you." 

"What is it?"   


"It's a gift. Why don't you open it and see?" 

Boba tore off the wrapping to reveal a modle B-class fighter plane. "Cool!" He exclaimed. "This was the last one I needed to complete my Fighter Collection! Thanks!" With that, Boba ran off with his plane, making sound effects that mimicked a flying plane and things blowing up as he went. Boba was so involved in his play that when he tryied to run into his bedroom, he ran into the wall instead. For a moment he lay flat on the floor and then picked both himself and the fighter up. He shook himself out, then ran, with success, into his room and shut the door. 

"Cute kid." Iluva said as she stepped into the appartment. "Well, Jango, it is late and I am exahusted. Where do I sleep?" 

"Mom, I wish you had called sooner so that we could have already arranged this." 

"I wanted to suprise you." 

"I would move Boba into my room and let you sleep in his, but his bed is too small. I guess you'll have to sleep on the couch." 

"The couch! What a way to treat your guests, Jango!" Without another word, Iluva walked into Jango's room. She emerged a few seconds later, then re-entered with her bags. She came back out again and threw Jango his pajamas.   


"_You_ can sleep on the couch. Good-night, Jango." Iluva had closed the door before Jango could do so much as open his mouth to argue. 

~~~~   
I hope you like it so far. Please reveiw. I like reviews. Danka.   
~~~~   
  



	2. Zam gets a new job

DISCLAIMER: I own everything. I am the God of the universe. All shall bow to me! BWAH-HA-HA! I wish. But I'm not. Why are you freaks so picky about this, anyway? Everybody knows I'm not George Lucas! Everyone knows I don't own Star Wars, or Lord of the Rings, or whatever! 

AUTHOR'S NOTE: I am insane right now. I know the characters may be out of character, but I do not care! Enjoy my piece of insanity!!!!!!! HA HA HA HA HA! Sorry. I am mentally unstable. And who cares of they eat Earth food? I don't!!!! 

~~~~   
The Fett Family Affair   
by Mona Lisa   
~~~~   
Chapter Two:   
In which Boba causes destruction and Zam gets a new job   
~~~~ 

Jango was rudely awoken the next morning by Boba bouncing up and down on the couch. 

"Hey Dad! Guess what!" 

"What?" 

"Grandma Iluva is so cool! I told her about my fight with the Clone Boys yesterday, and she baked me some cookies so that I don't have to steal any more from the Kaminoins! How come I don't have a Mom as cool as yours?" Boba jumped off of the couch and ran into the kitchen without waiting for Jango's answer. Jango wearily followed his son into the kitchen, where he was greeted by the warm scent of freshly baked cookies. 

"Good morning Jango. How did you sleep last night?" Iluva was cooking pancakes on the stove. 

"I feel as if I was sleeping on a rock all night, thanks to you." 

"No need to get offensive! I was just asking how you slept!" 

Jango cast a quick glance at Boba, who had just stuffed his mouth with his forth cookie of the morning. "Boba, I think that is enough cookies." Jango then turned his attention back to Iluva. "Am I supposed to be polite? You kicked me out of my room!" 

"And you were going to make me, your guest, sleep on the couch!" 

"Mom, you keep talking about how unpolite it is to make your guest sleep on the couch. Isn't it unpolite to kick your host out of his bedroom?" 

Boba, certain that neither of the adults were paying any attention to him, slipped a few cookies into his pockets and then snuck off stealthily. 

"I am your mother, Jango! I deserve better treatment than this!" 

"You should have called!" 

"Where did I go wrong with you?" 

"What is that supposed to mean?" 

"You were always such a good kid. Then you became a teenager. Those freakish friends of yours drew you into the darkside." 

"My friends were not freakish." 

"You were such a sweet boy! Now look at you! Look at your life! And your occupation! You kill people to make money!" 

"It's not all killing, Mom. We also spy, steal, capture..." Jango's voice died away at the look Iluva was giving him. "It's just a job. I have to find some way to support myself and Boba." 

"Which brings up another point: Boba. I think he needs the influence of a mother in his life. I fear he will become exactly like you." 

"I had a mother, and apparently that didn't help me much." 

"In that case, perhaps you need the influence of a wife in your life." 

"Mom-" 

"Jango, I just worry about the future of your son. Since he was cloned from you, I fear he will _become_ you. You are his only influence, which makes me even more apprehensive about his future." 

"Mom, I didn't clone him for professional gain. I cloned him because I wanted a son." 

"But you couldn't find any woman who would bare you one?" 

"Ouch, Mom, that was not nice." 

"And why should I be nice after how you have been treating me?" 

At that moment, Boba came cart wheeling into the kitchen, laughing hysterically. He jumped up onto the counter, then ran up the wall. From there, he did a flip off the wall that gave the illusion that he had ran on the ceiling. Pots and pans went flying in all directions. Boba jumped off the counter and proceeded to run around the room- floor, walls, and ceiling- laughing all the while. 

In horror, Jango examined the cookies that now lay on the floor. "Mom, you made _chocolate chip_? How could you make chocolate chip! If you give him chocolate, he goes insane! The same thing happened to me when I was a kid! How could you forget this! You had to lock me in the smallest room in the house until I calmed down!" Iluva slammed her head with her fist. 

"How can I have forgotten _that_, of all things?" 

"Help me catch him!" The two set off in presuit of Boba. A moment later, the door bell rang. 

Jango ran to the door and opened it a crack. I pair of green eyes peered back at him. 

"Zam, you have got the worst timing of anyone I've ever met. This really is not a good time." 

"I told you I was coming, Jango, so don't try to blow me off." 

"Could you come back at another time?" 

"No. I have Raba Bila's body on my plane." 

"Hold on, just a few minutes." 

"Jango, what is going on here? First you hang up on me, and now you act like you don't want me here." 

"I don't." 

"Deal with it!" Zam pushed the door open with her hand, flattening Jango in-between the door and the wall. She walked two steps into the apartment, and then froze, her mouth agape. 

Furniture had been toppled and photographs were knocked to the floor. Zam could have sworn she saw little footprints covering the walls and ceiling. 

"Jango Fett, you have got to be the worst house-keeper I have ever seen." She managed at last. 

"It really isn't that bad." 

"How so?" 

"Well, you see-" 

Iluva arrived from the kitchen. From inside, they could hear tiny fists pounding on a door. "I captured him and locked him in the pantry. It was- Oh, Jango, who is your lady friend?" 

"You locked your son in the pantry?!" Zam turned to Jango in complete horror. 

"Like I said, it's not as bad as it seems. Boba cannot eat chocolate, and when he does, he becomes completely incorrigible. I have to lock him in the smallest room in the house until he calms down." 

"Oh." Zam looked again in horror at the mess that surrounded her and then pointed to Iluva. "Who's that?" 

"Oh, yeah. Zam, this is my mother, Iluva Fett. Mom, this is Zam Wessel. She's a, uh, co-worker." 

"You still live with your Mom, Fett? You are more of a looser that I thought." 

"He is, isn't he?" Zam and Jango turned their heads to Iluva in suprise. 

"She doesn't live here, Zam. She is just visiting." 

"You have an excuse for everything, don't you, Fett?" 

"I'm not making excuses!" 

"And I am supposed to believe that?" 

"Zam, you had better watch your mouth. One of these days, when you least expect it, I am going to get you." 

"Please!" Iluva shouted. "Enough with all of this Bounty Hunter nonsense! Jango! Help me clean this place up. Now!" She shouted when her son had not moved. But now he jumped to his feet, leaving Zam giggling silently at him. 

_Of course,_ He thought as he began to clean, _no one can embarrass you quite like your mom._

Iluva faced Zam. "Zam, dear, would you like to help?" 

"Normally I would say no, but this place is pitiful." 

***   
Jango, Iluva, and Zam spent the next hour and a half cleaning while trying to ignore the sounds of Boba pounding on the pantry door. Zam spent much more time than the other two, dusting and rearranging furniture. 

"There," she said at last. "There is no dust anywhere and all of the furniture is perfectly arranged. Humm... Jango, have you ever thought of painting your walls a color other than white?" 

"I like white. You don't need to buy furniture that matches the walls that way." 

"Okay, if you say so. Where are my blasters?" Jango handed Zam the metal box. "And my thirty-thousand?" 

"I told you yesterday that you would get the thirty thousand after I got the money from Jabba." 

"When will you go?" 

"Soon." 

"I'm going with you." Iluva announced suddenly. 

"What? Mom. this is bounty hunter business. You don't want to go on that." 

"Jango, I came to visit you. I'm not going to have it that I come here to see you and you desert me the very next day." 

"Mom, I am going to Tatooine to deliver a body to Jabba the Hut. Tatooine is hot, dry, and sandy. Jabba's people are low-down and dirty scum." 

"Oh, trust me, Jango, I am used to low-down and dirty scum." 

"Ouch." Zam commented. 

"Besides, I haven't got enough room in the _Slave I_ for me, you, _and_ Zam. Why don't you stay here and watch Boba?" 

"I'll do it." Zam cut in, causing Jango and Iluva to raise their eyebrows. "What? You actually thought I was going to go with you to Tatooine? Jango, I need a break. You can't expect me to fly all over the galaxy with you, can you? I'll stay here and baby-sit your kid. Besides," She added with a sly grin, "I would have had to have you charge an extra thousand since I helped to deliver the body." 

"How do I know I can trust you?" 

"You can't. Not with your money, anyway, so you'd better take all of that with you. I won't harm the kid, though. Speaking of which, you should probably go check on him. I haven't heard him pound on the door for a while, and I'm wondering if he died of suffocation." 

Jango opened the door and found his son crouched down eating Cheese-Its straight out of the box. He blinked at the light that suddenly flooded the pantry than hugged the box to his chest and growled. 

"Mine." He hissed, and Jango shut the door. 

"I don't think he is quite ready to come out, yet." Jango informed the two women. "Zam, I am guessing that you will be wanting some money for baby-sitting Boba, wont you?" 

"Thirty dollars." 

Jango was taken aback. "Thirty? Not three hundred an hour, or something? Are you feeling all right?" 

"I'm feeling fine. Thirty dollars, for the entire time you are gone." 

"all right, but I still don't think that Mom should come..." Iluva was looking at Jango with a stony expression on her face. "Fine." Jango said, finally giving in. _How could you possibly blow your Mom off and get away with it, even if you are the best Bounty Hunter in the galaxy?_ he asked himself. Iluva's hard expression became one of approval. Neither Jango nor Iluva noticed Zam glance about the apartment with a strange glint in her eye. 

"Come on, Jango." She said. "I'll help you load Raba Bila's body into the _Slave I_. 

**** 

Ten minutes later, Jango and Iluva both had their bags packed; the body of Raba Bila had been successfully re-located onto the _Slave I_; Zam had moved her bags into Jango's room; and Jango once again opened the pantry door. Boba had finished with the Cheese-Its and moved on to the Animal Crackers. Jango reached out his hand to help the boy to his feet, but Boba once again drew the bag close to him and hissed. 

"I don't want your Animal Crackers, Boba. Stand up." 

Boba was still absorbed in his childish game when Jango dragged him into the living room. He held the bag close and glanced at every one suspiciously. 

"Boba, I have to go to Tatooine to see Jabba. Grandma Iluva is coming with me. This is Zam Wessel, she will watch you while we are gone." 

Jango and Iluva said their good-byes to Boba and Zam, than boarded the _Slave I _to prepare for take-off. 

~~~~   
Thank you for reading. Please leave a review on your way out.   
~~~~   
  
  
  
  
  
  



	3. Boba learns the truth about life

DISCLAIMER: I own action figures of them, but that is as close as I'll ever get to owning them. 

AUTHOR'S NOTE: I was watching the Episode II DVD last night. Does anyone else find the expression Mace Windu has after he kills Jango as humorous as I found it? Yeah, it's not cool he killed Jango, but his expression was hilarious. Next time you watch that, pay attention to his face. 

~~~   
The Fett Family Affair   
by Mona Lisa   
~~~   
Chapter Three   
Boba learns the truth about life   
~~~ 

Boba looked at the purple clad woman with interest. So, _this_ was Zam. She walked to and fro about the apartment, her arms crossed and her lips pursed. Boba knew that she was giving herself a tour. What he didn't know was what she was thinking about. 

Zam walked to the window in time to see the _Slave I_ blast off of Kamino. A wicked smile played on Zam's lips as she remembered all of the cruel pranks Jango had played on her in times past. This time, Zam would have the last laugh. It was pay back time. 

*** 

Jango sat in the pilot's seat of the _Slave I_. He cast a quick glance at Iluva, who sat in the co-pilot's chair with her hands and purse in her lap, her lips pressed. She looked thoroughly displeased. 

"It's not to late to go back, Mom." 

"No." 

"I wish you had stayed on Kamino. I don't trust Zam." 

"Then why did you leave her there with Boba?" 

"Boba needs to be tough. If he can survive living with Zam for a few days, he can survive anything." 

"You make it sound as though you've spent many days living with her." 

"Just business days, which are nearly unbearable. I can't imagine what actually living with her is like." 

*** 

"What are you doing?" Boba asked at last. Zam had left the window and resumed her tour about the house. 

"Boba, do you like white?" 

"No. I hate white! Everything on this planet is white! The buildings are white, so is their furniture, their clothing, them, EVERYTHING! It is difficult for me to sneak around here because I am dark and I wear blue. I stick out. Then, sometimes when you think the coast is clear, one of them will suddenly appear from nowhere and tell you off. They can hide because they just blend in with everything else. The only things around here that aren't white beside my Dad and I are the clones because they look just like us. Then they put on armor. White armor. Ugh!" 

"Maybe we could liven things up here a little bit." 

"Good idea! Let's paint! Can my room be blue?" 

"Sure. We'll go get paint after we eat." 

*** 

"...then she almost told them our location! Can you believe that! I kicked her and she shut up, but... I can't believe her sometimes! She almost gave away my-" 

"Jango, you have been talking about that girl non-stop for nearly an hour." 

"I'm telling you how much of a menace she is." 

"Uh huh." 

"What does that mean?" 

"I think you like her." 

"WHAT? Like-I-her and me? I like HER? I hate her!" 

"Right. Don't we all say that about people we secretly love?" 

"Mom! How could you say such a thing?!" 

"It is the truth." 

"Are you saying that I hate her so much that I love her?" 

"Yes." 

"I think you are going crazy." 

"I've been crazy for the last twenty years, Jango." 

"Have _you _ever hated someone so much that you loved them?" 

"Yes." 

"Me?" 

"No, not you. Jango, I may not approve of your occupation. I may be hard on you. But I could never, ever, hate you. You are my son, Jango, and that alone is enough to make me love you." 

Jango smiled in spite of himself. "So, who was it that you hated yet loved?" 

"Your father." 

"What?" 

"I knew him all my life. We went to school together, and he would constantly tease me. I hated him so much for it. Then I realized that his teasing was was flirting. You know the rest. How I wish he was here now." 

A silence fell in the cockpit, leaving both Jango and Iluva to their thoughts. 

*** 

Zam stood at the stove, a pot of boiling water in front of her. It had taken nearly fifteen minutes for her to begin to prepare lunch. While Boba had been locked in the pantry, he had eaten more than half of its contents. It had taken Zam five minutes to gather up what was left and another ten for Boba to decide what he wanted to eat. After deciding he wanted Macaroni and Cheese, he locked himself up in his room. 

Zam added the noodles to the water then made a mental note to herself: "Tell Jango that the next time he locks Boba in a pantry, make sure there is no food in there because there isn't going to be much left when Boba comes out." 

Letting the noodles cook, Zam decided to check on Boba. He was laying on his bed reading the latest edition of _Bounty Weekly_. "Good magazine?" She asked, perching herself on the foot of the bed. 

"The best." Boba looked up at her with enthusiasm. "My dad has a copy of every issue ever published. Don't you read it?" 

"No. I read _Bounty Hunter's Digest._" 

"Oh, _Digest _ is good, but _Weekly _is better. They have more stuff and better interviews." 

"That so?" 

"Yeah. Do you want to read it?" He shoved the magazine into her hand as the door bell buzzed. She followed the boy out into the hallway. In the doorway stood a strange being, tall, thin, and pearly white except for almond shaped eyes, in which there were galaxies reflected. 

"Boba, is your father home?" The being asked, speaking very slowly. 

"Nope, Taun We." He said. "He left this morning." 

"Do you know when he will be back?" 

Boba shook his head. "Let me ask Zam." 

"Zam?" 

"My father's girlfr-" 

"Business partner." Zam cut in and walked to the door. Taun We only blinked. "He'll be back in a few days." Zam explained, and Taun We nodded, her strange eyes not leaving the woman. 

"I'll come back later." She said, then turned and walked, slowly, away. 

"Are the Kaminoins always that slow?" Zam asked as she watched Taun We leave. 

"Yep." Boba said, as the pair retreated back into the apartment and the door slid shut behind them. 

*** 

The heat was getting to Jango. The two suns of Tatooine glared down upon him, and he felt himself perspiring underneath his Mandalorian armor. Next to him, Iluva walked, shading herself against the harsh glow of the suns with her umbrella. Jango pulled off his helmet and wiped his face on his sleeve. 

"Here." Iluva said, offering him her water bottle. 

"Thanks." Jango said before drinking half the bottle in one gulp. 

Finally they reached Jabba's door. Jango put his helmet back on and knocked. 

*** 

"Zam?" Boba asked as Zam unloaded the paint cans from her speeder. "Zam, I am glad that we decided to paint the apartment, but I don't think my Dad would really want his bedroom to be purple." 

"I like purple." 

"Dad doesn't." 

"He'll have to live with it, then." 

"Why?" 

"What?" 

"Is it going to be your room?" 

"While I am staying with you." 

"How long will that be?" 

"Until your Dad gets back." 

"You aren't gonna stay with us longer?" 

"No." 

"Why?" 

"Because I don't live with you guys." 

"Will you?" 

Zam raised her eyebrows at the kid. "Do you always ask this many questions?"  
  
  
"No." 

"So why are you doing so now?" 

"Aren't you going to marry my Dad?" 

Zam was taken aback. "No. What makes you think that?" She handed a few of the paint cans to Boba as they made their way back inside. 

"Aren't you his girlfriend?" 

"No. Did he- Did he tell you that, Boba?" Zam's eyes flashed with a sudden anger. 

"No! I figured it out!" 

Zam became suddenly calm. "All right, then. No, Boba, I am not your Dad's girlfriend." 

"Oh." Boba sank on to the couch, and Zam could see the disappointment in his eyes. 

"What's wrong?" She asked, sitting next to him. 

"Nothing." 

"Boba, listen, I am sorry if I disappointed you, but- tell me, what's the matter?" 

Boba looked her in the eyes, but quickly turned away. He opened his mouth to speak, but no sound came out. "It was just wishful thinking." He said at last. 

"What do you mean?" 

"I just want a Mom. Every other kid in the galaxy has one, but I don't. It makes me feel..." He struggled to find the right word. "...abnormal. It makes me feel like a freak." He said at last. 

"You're not a freak, Boba." Zam said reassuringly, placing her hand on his shoulder. 

"But why don't I have a mom?" 

"You were cloned." 

"No, I mean, even if she's just like a step mom or something." 

"Your father isn't married Boba." 

"What does marriage have to do with anything? Is it like, two people fall in love and get married and then suddenly, like magic, there's the baby? Do you have to be married in order to get a clone? My dad wasn't married." 

"You think all children are clones of their parents?" Zam asked. Boba nodded, and Zam shook her head. 

"What?" Boba asked in suprise at her reaction. 

"Boba, I think that maybe you should know the truth. You see, when people fall in love, they do this thing...." Boba sat staring in horror at Zam as he listened to the truth about life and why it exists. His dark face paled, and his brown eyes became wide with fear and disgust. 

"That's disgusting!" He said when he could not take anymore. 

"Once I knew this guy, who when we-" 

"ZAM!" The changeling looked embarrassed. 

"Sorry. I forgot I was talking to an eight year old." 

"It's disgusting!" Boba said again. "I think I'll go to bed. Not with anyone!" He added quickly. "Just by myself. Sleeping. Asleep. Okay? Okay. But first, I need to throw up in the bathroom." 

~~~   
Well, I don't think it was my funniest chapter. What do you think? Please review!   
~~~   
  
  
  



	4. Life at Jabba's

DISCLAIMER: This is the last one I am putting up for this story because I have already written it three times!!! I DO NOT OWN STAR WARS OR ANYTHING ASSOCIATED WITH STAR WARS!!!!!!!! I DO own Jarin Guden, however. 

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Uh... I actually don't have anything to say today. Sorry it took me so long to update! 

~~~   
The Fett Family Affair   
by Mona Lisa   
~~~   
Chapter four:   
Life at Jabba's   
~~~ 

Many of the people in Jabba's palace ran away as they recognized his armor. "Please don't kill me!" They cried as they fled. None of them paid any attention to the elderly woman trailing the Bounty Hunter. 

The pair stepped into the main hall where Jabba and most of his lackeys spent much of their time. The fat worm was sitting in his usual spot near the back wall. Men and women were scattered about the room, drinking, smoking, gambling, and watching Jabba's dancers, who danced in the center of the hall while musicians played not far away. A man gambling in the corner looked up from his table and saw the Bounty hunter standing in the doorway. 

"Holy Sith!" He yelled, pointing his finger, "It's the bounty hunter, Jango Fett!" 

All noise in the hall immediately stopped as everyone in the vicinity faced the doorway. For a moment, there was silence in the hall as the people took in the sight. Then, without warning, hell broke loose. The people ran about screaming, diving under tables, trying to find a safe place to hide. Jango fired a few shots into the air to try and get their attention, but the sound seemed to panic them even more. Jango shook his head as the place cleared. People always seemed to panic when he showed up, even if there was no bounty on their heads. Jango shrugged and walked to the middle of the hall, where only Jabba remained. At least Jango didn't have to fight his way through a large crowd to reach his destination. 

*** 

Boba did not throw up in the bathroom as he had told Zam he was going to do. He didn't go to bed, either. Boba looked at the clock. It read 17:54. It was way too early to go to bed. He hadn't even eaten dinner yet! 

A soft knock cam at the door and Zam, who had been painting Jango's room, poked her head into the room. "Boba, I'm sorry if I grossed you out." She said. "I guess I shouldn't have told you. I should have left it too your father. Besides, you're only eight years old. I didn't learn about it until I was twelve. Your dad is going to kill me." 

Boba turned away from the window. "Don't worry about it." He said. "I mean, I guess it's a fact of life." 

"Yeah." Zam said. "When you're older, you'll do it too." 

Boba grimaced and turned back to the window. 

"What do you want for dinner?" Zam asked. Boba shrugged in response. "Do you want to go out?" Boba shrugged again. "Okay. Uh, are there any good restaurants on Kamino?" Boba faced her now. 

"Can we have ice cream?" 

"For dinner?" 

"Yeah." 

"That's not a very good meal, Boba." 

"So? Ice cream makes me feel better when I'm feeling sick." 

"Alright, we'll have ice cream." 

"Yes!" 

"But," the boy's enthusiasm subsided a little, "We are going to eat some real food first." 

"Why?" 

Zam rolled her eyes. "You _do_ ask a lot of questions. Come on." 

*** 

Jango sat in a corner of Jabba's palace, counting his money. He had found that Jabba often tried to give him less money than he said the bounty was worth. Iluva was observing the atmosphere around her with distaste. One the people had realized that Jango wasn't there to kill any of them, they resumed the activities they had been engaged in before Jango's arrival. 

One of the dancers walked over to Jango and sat down on the chair next to his. Iluva cast a quick glance at the girl then resumed her observations of life at Jabba's. Jango didn't even notice the dancer until she spoke. 

"That's a lot of money." She said. 

"Wha- Oh, yes, it is." 

"How much is there?" 

"Sixty Thousand credits." 

"Wow. You must be rich." 

"Yeah." 

"I like rich men." 

Jango, still to busy counting, barely heard her words. "That's nice." 

"I like dangerous men too." 

"Really?" 

"Yes." 

"That's nice." 

"Why don't you spare me some of it? Not a lot, just a little. I am a poor, single mother who barely has enough money to feed her children." 

"No." 

"Why not?" 

"Listen, Lady, I need money too. I'm a single father. I have to feed _my_ kid. You probably don't even have kids. You are just making that up so I'll give you a thousand credits. Well, my answer is, 'no.'" 

Before the dancer could open her mouth to argue, a deep voice said from behind, "Jango Fett, what a pleasant suprise to see you here. Oh, and what's this? What are you doing with my Regina? She's mine, Fett. I didn't say you could talk to her." 

Jango closed his eyes. Why now? He faced the owner, a tough looking man dressed in leather. "I didn't start talking to her, Jarin, she started talking to me." 

Iluva looked at the new comer and asked Jango who he was. 

"That's Jarin Guden. He's one of the best bounty hunters in the galaxy. A debate has been going on for years about who was the best bounty hunter: Jarin Guden or Jango Fett." 

"Who's that Fett? You brought your mom?" Jango stood up to face him. 

"Yeah, Jarin, that's right." 

By now, the entire hall had gone quiet. Everyone was watching the two rivals. Jarin laughed, a big, booming laugh that filled the hall. 

"Did you all here that?" He shouted to the crowd. "Jango Fett, feared bounty hunter, brought his mommy! Like she could protect him. HA! Look at how small she is." 

"You insulting my Mom?" Jango asked. 

"What does it _sound _ like I'm doing, Fett?" 

Jango pulled his blaster out of its holster on his leg. "That's it, Jarin. I've put up with you for a long time. No one insults my family and lives." 

Jarin drew his blaster as well. People around the hall were starting to bet on who would leave Jabba's alive. 

*** 

Zam laid her head down on the pillow and smirked. Jango's pillow. And this room was Jango's room. She was sleeping in Jango's bed. Zam let out a small sigh. To bad he wasn't there, laying beside her. 

Zam sat up and clutched her face in horror. Had she just thought that?! What was wrong with her?! Zam decided that she must be very, very, tired. Yes, that was it. She was sleep deprived. Watching Boba was hard work. Zam lay back down. yeah, he was a ball full of energy, but already she had grown attached to him. Zam rolled over and fell asleep. 

*** 

"Mommy's boy!" Jarin taunted as he and Jango shot at each other. Jarin knew he was aggravating his opponent. It was all working as he had hoped. Jango was getting so frustrated that his aim had become poor and he missed every shot. Jarin could almost see a Jango's frustration through his armor. This was too easy. Jango shot and missed again, after which Jarin shot. The beam hit Jango in the shoulder, and he fell to the ground. 

Jarin smirked and walked over to where he lay. "And so it ends." he said, "I am the greatest hunter after all." He pointed his blaster at Jango's heart. 

"What the-?" Something hit Jarin with such a force that it sent him toppling to the floor. Jango looked up to see his mom hitting Jarin repeatedly with her umbrella and her purse. She whacked him repeatedly until he was unable to move. The crowd was silent for a moment, then suddenly burst into applause. Iluva stood and looked sheepishly at the crowd. 

Jango forced himself to his feet. "Thanks, Mom." He said. "Let's get out of here." 

Iluva placed her arm around Jango's shoulders and helped him out Jabba's palace. As they left, Jarin stood up, massaging is swollen body. 

"I'll get you, Jango Fett! And your mom too!" 

*** 

Boba couldn't sleep. Horrible images kept floating to his mind. Boba sat up and rubbed his head, forcing the images from his mind. He was feeling stressed. Normally, Boba would spar with his father when he was feeling stressed. Sparring helped him to relieve the tension he felt. But Jango wasn't there then. 

Jango wasn't, but Zam was. She was probably sleeping, but that hardly mattered to Boba. He would wake her up, and then they would spar. 

Boba crept into his father's room. He could see Zam sleeping in the bed, her back to him. Boba crept up to the side of the bed and, like a cat, pounced. In one quick and fluent movement, he was on the bed. A startled Zam awoke to see Boba sitting practically on top of her. 

"AAAUUGGHH!" She screamed. 

"AAAUUUGGGHH!" Boba screamed and fell of the bed. He hadn't attacked Zam. Instead of the woman he had come to know, a green, lumpy creature was laying in the bed. "Who are you and what have you done with Zam?" Boba asked. The creature gave him a bewildered expression. 

"I am Zam, Boba." 

"You don't look like Zam." 

The creature stared at him for a moment and then suddenly smiled. Before Boba's eyes, the creature's features morphed into that of the woman Boba remembered. "Boba, no need to be suprised. I thought your Dad had told you. I'm a Clawdite. A Changeling." 

"Oh." Boba seemed to be at loss for words. "That means you can change into almost anything?" 

"Almost." 

"Then how do I know you're a girl?" 

"Boba, I said _almost_ anything." 

"Oh. Uh, how do I know you are really Zam?" 

"Kid, if I killed Zam Wesell, why would I go ahead and change into her clothes and then fall asleep and wait for you to attack me? I would go into your room, shoot you, and then steal all your Dad's money and leave." 

"I guess you're right." Boba said, though he still looked skeptical. 

"Why _did_ you attack me?" 

"I want to spar." 

"Spar? Boba, it's 2:15 in the morning!" 

"So?" 

"I'm exhausted, Boba. I'll spar with you tomorrow." 

"Okay." Boba sulked back into his room. Well, that had been a great way to relieve stress, he though bitterly. Instead of loosing it, he had gained some more. 

Boba looked around his room. There had to be another way to get rid of that tension. 

His eyes landed on one of his Dad's spare jet packs. Hum, that seemed like a good way to get rid of tension. Boba always felt more relaxed after using the jet pack. 

Boba strapped the jet pack onto his back and headed for the door then stopped. Surely Zam would hear him if he opened the door. Instead, Boba turned around and opened his window. 

~~~   
Oh no, this can't be good! Please review!   
Lightbulby29, who said we couldn't each write a V-day fic? Go ahead and write yours. I would love to read it! I don't know what holiday I'll do next. Maybe I'll write my own Christmas, Thanksgiving, and Birthday ones. maybe I'll do Father's Day. Anyway..... 


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